Writers Blog

peek a boo

2008-05-02T15:41:00.000-07:00

Ever play "peek-a-boo" with God? It's fun.

2008-04-25T10:11:00.001-07:00

I'm angry today. It's not often I am in rage mode, but today is the day. The day did not start well. Micah woke up screaming before 6am. Zion was up by 6:30...and crabby. When we went to worship this morning I had no clue that both the Murrys as well as the Weeks families would be there. It was a blessing to have them, but it made for an intense worship time I would have liked to have come prepared for. Needless to say, my boys were not preped for it either, and were their normal, active selves. As I tried intently to listen to Matthew's parents share their hearts, my boys were whining and climbing on me. As the Weeks' family shared, Zion and Micah were fighting over cups and spilling their cereal snack I had gotten for them out of despiration. By the end, instead of singing "Lord, I'm amazed by you" with everyone else, I wanted to sing "I wanna beat my kids." Sorry if that offends you, I'm just being transparent.

Don't worry. I'll get my perspective right again soon. I just had to vent before I go sit in school of worship class for an hour and a half. I know part of my emotion is simply the fact that this morning was an intense reminder of the events of December 9th. It was an amazing thing to have the Murry's as well as the Weeks' here this morning and we (well, everyone without young kids) had an amazing time of ministry through worship and prayer and sharing. I know that this season with little ones will be short and that it is precious. But, for now, I just want to cry.

when I write I...

2007-05-22T11:50:00.000-07:00

When I write I think of what I want to say and "go." Acutally, most of the time I don't think too much. I just go for it. Edit later. No time to worry about errors. Gotta get the feelings, the information, the process flowing. Then I go back and edit. Make words and phrases flow. Cut the crap and add detail. Where is this going, I ask? Do I have purpose in this little blurb? Am I just randomly spilling words or feelings without meaning? Who will read this? Anyone? Do they care? Am I just wasting time or will this serve some extrordinary purpose?

change

2007-05-09T15:05:00.000-07:00

Change. I like change. Some people are afraid of it. I seem to thrive on it. From my daily routine to my eating habits to my myspace page, I change a lot. Drives my husband crazy, I think. For example, the other day I asked him what he thought about moving our fouton couch from our son's room down into the dining room. "Sounds okay, I guess." he said. Enough affirmation for me. Down it went the next morning. Surprised and a bit unsure if he liked it or not, he asked me how I managed to menouver the thing down. After a short adjustment period he decided he liked it. Now for the living room decour...and let's see...what else new can I try?

Questions to ponder

2007-02-08T11:27:00.000-08:00

What is your favorite thing to do? When was the last time you did it? Are you too busy to enjoy the simple things in life, or do you treasure the moments of peace that come between the hours of insanity? Do you take time away to purposefully relax with that caramel macchiato; or do you "grab it and go" on your way to work? When was the last time you went out of your way to really do something fun...instead of, perhaps, collapsing exhausted in front of the TV at the end of the day?

I find it easy to fly through life. Sometimes it's easier to stay busy than try to relax and enjoy. Easier, but not more fulfilling. Think of something you like to do today...and do it!

The Notebook/ The Wedding

2007-01-10T15:23:00.000-08:00

Have you read Nicholas Sparks' books The Notebook and/or The Wedding? Amazing. Amazing! I would highly recommend them to married couples everywhere! So as not to give anything away, I will keep this reveiw short and sweet- hoping you will take my exhortation and indulge yourself. But, I will say, both of these books are full of both romantic sweetness and loving passion. Sound sappy? Perhaps, in a way, I suppose. But not, in the same way. Sparks paints a picture of real life- not imaginary idealism- including hardships as well as loving tenderness and zeal. Read The Notebook first...that is a must. Then, wait a few weeks or even a couple of months and read The Wedding. You will be inspired, I promise.

Relationship

2006-12-15T07:44:00.000-08:00

What is relationship with God, really? I mean, truly, what would Jesus do...if He were with us all the time. He is, you know. But, often we do not behave in a way in which we would if we could actually see, hear, and touch Him.

By this, I do not mean a "holier than thou" attitude or super spirituality. I mean a real, honest to goodness, bad and the good, no false pretense relationship with God. What does it look like?

Does it mean a better look at the Bible? Does it mean mustering up the effort to see God in everything? Does it mean taking ourselves out of "the world"? I don't think so. I think it means applying the Biblical princliple of loving our neighbor- no matter what. I think it means giving grace to those who annoy us and get in our way. I think it means putting ourselves in the world and seeing what "average Joe" is really like- not to judge or try to "get him saved"- but to truly know him.

Furthermore, I think a real relationship with God means putting aside pre-conceived ideas of what "Christianity" is all about. I think it could mean even putting aside some of our traditions that keep us in bondage to religion. I think it means a re-evaluation of what the Bible says about "love" and just who Jesus is talking to when He says "get behind me satan" and "white washed tombs."

Think about it...but don't ponder too long. Remember..."there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."

church

2006-10-25T16:19:00.000-07:00

Church. What is church? So many opinions...so many facades...so many pre-determinations. So, I ask you. What is church? Is it what it is supposed to be? Is it really what Jesus would do? What do you think?

Contentment- notes from Dean Sherman

2006-05-25T13:17:00.000-07:00

Are you content? Do you belive God has really given you everything you need? Has God really created you out of His image? Or, are you in need of....(finances, a better car, a bigger house)... Are you too...(quiet, loud, big, small, dumb, ugly) Do you wish you could...(sing, dance, have a better education, have darker/lighter skin) Do you believe the lies of the enemy?...the voice inside your head that keeps your mind in constant focus of comparing yourself with others?

Do you know that comparing yourself with others is walking in pride? When we compare ourselves, what is the result? We find we are either "better" or "worse" than another human being. Both arogance and inferiority are pride. Do you know that when you are walking in pride, you are aligning yourself with the devil? Sounds harsh, doesn't it? But, it's true. Don't believe me? Why did Lucifer fall? (pride) Why did he take 1/3 of the angels with him? (pride) What keeps people from giving their lives over to God? (pride)

So, what's the solution? Find contentment in God. Learn how He thinks of you. He created you beautiful. He gave you good gifts. He does provide and take care of you (if you are truly in need, talk to the Father). You are special, unique, and valuable...not just to God, but to others. You are precious. Take captive every thought...anylize your thinking ( an act of spiritual warfare from II Cor 10). Reject the thoughts of the enemy and embrace the thoughts of God. Force your thoughts to agree with truth, righteousness, the Word of God, and God's opinion. Read the Word, speak the Word, pray the Word...BELIEVE the Word!

Kindness

2006-04-06T12:40:00.000-07:00

Taken from DTS notes from Blake Mattox

"When the kindness and the love of God our savior appeared, He saved us..." Titus

Not often do I hear "kindness" equated with "salvation." In terms of salvation, I often hear the words "hell," "sin," "redemption," and even "love." However, not often simply "kindness." Yet, this is the topic of the DTS lecture this afternoon and I do believe there is much truth in this concept.

Kindness goes a long way in bringing change in others. Do I look for opportunities to show kindness? In II Sam 9:1-13, King David did exactly that. He asked, "is there anyone from the house of Saul I can show God's kindness to for Jonathan's sake?" Not only did he look for an opportunity to show kindness, he looked in a place that had brought him much pain in the past- the house of Saul.

The answer to his quest? "yes...he is crippled in both feet"- implying sin or condemnation on the young man Mephibosheth. Ignoring the implication as well as any faults the young man had, David sent for him and showed him kindness. Kindness does not judge.

Next, King David told Mephibsheth he would restore all the land that had been stolen from his family and invited him to eat at the king's table as a son. Kindness restores and kindness gives a place of honor.

"And Mephibosheth lived in Jerusalem, because he always ate at the king's table, and he was crippled in both feet." II Sam 9:13

Go, show kindness to someone today.

dance

2006-02-24T19:31:00.000-08:00

I honestly never thought I'd dance again. Seriously. I figured my time had passed and God had other things for me. Though I did not give it up gracefully or with a thankful heart- but rather begrudgingly; I did surrender and moved on to other things. This was nearly two years ago. Aside from skipping around in worship a bit here and there, I kept my resolve to not dance...until this Christmas. For some reason, God put it on my heart to do a dance for a little talent show we had with the DTS. I nervoulsy practiced a lot...asking God the whole time, "are You really sure You want me to do this?"

It wasn't until about two weeks ago that I realized my dance had any lasting impact. "I will never forget your dance," someone told me. Wow! That same week, someone else said, "I really miss you dancing." Though the comment seemed random on the one hand, I knew it was the Lord. Although I gave up dancing, it was not He who asked it of me. He made me to dance. Perhaps not with the New York ballet or even the Denver ballet; but for Him in front of others - helping to draw them into worship.

This morning I danced in worship for the first time in ...quite a while. It felt good. I felt free. I felt in God's presence.....

babies

2006-02-15T17:38:00.000-08:00

Babies are amazing! No, I'm serious! Just thinking about Zion, what he can and can't do...how much he's developed and how much he has yet to develop...what makes him laugh and cry...it's amazing! Compared with infancy, he's practically in college; yet, compared with pre-school, he's still a tiny baby. He can let me know he needs something, though cannot always tell me what. He decides what he does and does not like to eat, when he wants to get out of the tub, and how long mommy spends on the computer. Yet, he has no say about whether we go to the store or not, how long we spend at the YWAM base, and when we go see the doctor. In fact, when we get in the car or I put him in the stroller to go someplace, he has no clue what we are up to! He can entertain himself, but by his ignorance can quickly destroy things, hurt himself, or get himeself stuck in a room. Although he can stand holding on to something, he does not understand what is or is not stable and often ends up on his back or sitting on his bum wondering what happened.

I could go on. But instead, I will leave you with one last thought. Ever wondered how we appear to God? We know only so much...we can do only so much...we can go only so many places...

Ever Wondered?

2006-01-26T10:57:00.000-08:00

Have you ever wondered about someone? Have you ever thought, "what were they thinking?!" Have you ever seriously pondered your own sanity? If so, I recon you are probably just as normal as the rest of us. Seriously, isn't it amazing how different we all are? In some ways one may ask, "what was God thinking?" Let's be honest. He's pretty creative!

I have to admit, many times when I ask these questions it is out of frustration or aggrivation. But, today, I'm just asking. Actually, today I am thankful for our differences. After all, if everyone thought and behaved as I do, the world would be boring! Meanwhile, if everyone thought and behaved as some others I know, the world would be chaos! Thus, I am thankful for the diversity of the population and the creativity of our creator.

Have you ever pondered the differences between generations? I have. But, that is for another day.

Struggles with God

2005-11-28T13:44:00.000-08:00

Do you ever get really frustrated at God because of an area you refuse to grow in? Or, is it just me? I tell you what! God and I would get along so much better if He would just ... (kidding!)

Okay, so here's me. Really excited about staff conference, right? We get in there and Ben and I have some small little tiff about food manners. I'm annoyed. Then, the first thing that's said is a challenge..."why are you here?" What do I do? Do I prayerfully reflect on my heart and ask Jesus what He has for me during this time? No! I say to myself, "why am I here? I don't have anything to offer? God isn't using me..." and on it goes...down the spiral of lies to a full fledged pity party. And, it's only minutes into the conference!

The day does not improve as my attitude continues to suck (sorry for those of you who do not like that word). Loren and Darlene Cunningham (founders of YWAM) both spoke to us that day. Loren shared about how God spoke to him on several occasions- literally saving his life. Was I impressed with God? No! I was angry that I don't hear Him like that. Was I amazed at how God brought this ministry from a group of 5 young people to many groups totaling 19,000 men and women of all ages? No! I was mad that I didn't see God moving me toward ministry in Russia.

Looking back, I am thankful God didn't strike me down with lightning right then and there! He did, however, teach me a few valuable lessons. #1 You really waste valuable time having a bad attitude toward your Creator #2 When you're pre-occupied with being mad at God, you miss some of the blessings He has for you #3 God speaks to Loren because He knows Loren will listen to Him. When I keep my focus on God, He speaks to me too #4 God will not give me more than I can handle. He wants me to be ready to go to Russia. Therefore, I must actively wait...passing the smaller tests that are placed in my way in the mean time

Daylight... what?

2005-10-30T17:32:00.000-08:00

Showed up an hour early for church this morning. Yes, I was one of the blundering fools who missed out on that extra hour of sleep for the year. Bummer! What's worse, it was not only I who suffered. I dragged my three youngest siblings as well as my son out the door only to discover my mistake upon arriving at church and questioning why there were so few folks present! Thankfully, church is only about 3 miles awåy from the house. So, we piled back in the car and went home for an hour. All was not lost as it gave us time to finish up the weekend's homework and plan our day. But, it was a bit sad...as well as pathetic. After all, I did know about the time change. I had been looking forward to it, even! Ah, well....what can you do, right?

Deep Thoughts

2005-10-25T10:24:00.000-07:00

Contemplating certain aspects of truth and relativity today, I once again realized that I have been blessed with quite an amazing life. Before I go further, let me just say...I am not disclosing this information for my betterment; but am sharing this with you in order to bring further glory to God. Let me also say that my life (or anyone elses) should not be compared to that of another human being's existance; but should only be examined through the light of God's radiance. That said...

As far back as I can really recollect (age 6), I have known the Lord and have had the desire to be a missionary. Through the visit to the Anastasis Mercy Ship, the Lord solidified this desire in such a strong way, I seldome doubted His purpose for my life. Furthermore, despite my hesitant cowardice rooted in pride, the Lord used me even at the earliest age to share the Love of Jesus through Bible studies, abortion protests, and friendship evangelism. Not only that, but He allowed me to grow up in an invironment where, although not all knowledge I acquired made it all the way to my heart, I was exposed to deep and intimate things of God all throughout my developmental years. Through varous seemingly random circumstances, I have been able to sit under some of the most influential Christian teachers of our time (Loren Cunningham, Winkie Pratney, Joshua Harris, Dean Sherman)...some of whom I have met on several occasions. God has blessed me with amazing opportunites in educaation through my upbringing as well as into my adult life; and has allowed me to not only be trained at, but also work with one of the most solid YWAM bases that exists. He has given me a wonderful husband who loves God with all his heart, is an amazing discipler, and is a man of integrity. We have together been given a son, who brings so much joy into our lives as we watch him grow and develop.

So, I ask myself...with all this...why do I ever doubt God?

Let it snow!

2005-10-11T09:45:00.000-07:00

Not many winter scenes are more beautiful than those of snow covered trees. Anywhere I look today, that is exactly what I see...mountains covered with glistening trees of snow. It's beautiful and it makes me feel like it's Christmas! Yet, walking through this winter wonderland in early October makes me wonder what the next fwe months will hold up here in the Rocky mountains. Then again, perhaps I really don't mind. Despite the cold weather outdoors, it's warm and cozy inside and we've got a real wood burning fireplace in the dining hall. There's also tasty hot chocolate, cozy tea, and (of course) coffee! Cappuccino anyone?

Frisbee Golf

2005-09-24T16:46:00.000-07:00

Have you ever played frisbee golf? Have you ever heard of frisbee golf? This little-known sport has become quite the "thing" here in Colorado and has quietly made it's way into the lives of those of us at YWAM Denver. In fact, we have our own frisbee golf course here at Eagle Rock!

I played today for the first time. Thankfully, I was not the only rookie player. Two of our students from Austrailia joined Ben and I for the game. At 15 above par with a cold baby I finally decided to surrender the game. However, it was a lot of fun while it lasted (and that is saying something for someone like me who does not like competative sports).

Anyway, all that to say, I highly recommend the sport. It's free entertainment and can be good exercise as well.

Sleep!

2005-09-18T09:35:00.000-07:00

I dearly love my son. However, after three nights of having him wake up every two hours, I'm ready to ...I don't know! How is it that he was doing so well- sleeping up to 10 hours at a time and now is worse at night than when he was first born??? Any insight? Suggestions? Last night I broke down and gave him rice cereal before he went to sleep. Didn't help. Really, I'm at a loss here. Anyone?

Coffee

2005-08-30T10:13:00.000-07:00

For over a year now, I've been trying to give up coffee. I discovered it affects my heart in a rather negative way and therefore decided it is best if I don't partake. However, I'm sadly addicted. Granted, I have made drastic progress in this area. Instead of one or two cups a day, it is now generally less than one cup a week. Nevertheless, I find I am still fond of the black poison.

Why do I like coffee so much? (I ask myself on many occasions) Though I do admit to having acquired the taste from a young age, I believe it is more than just my palate that craves this rustic brew. I have to say I enjoy nearly everything coffee represents. It is both very stereotypical and also extremely versatile...like my personality, I would say. Though one could (and I have) sit in a coffee shop for hours enjoying a single cup of capaccino, one might just as easily rush into Starbucks to grab a latte before a morning meeting. Coffee is wonderful at breakfast time with biscuits and jam, but is just as splendid in the evening with cheesecake. It also makes a good afternoon drink when the day is longer than one's attention span. I also enjoy a cup of coffee as I sit and ponder the day, read a novel, or write. Both relaxing and stimulating, I find it a choice beverage.

Not only is coffee versatile, it is also rich and sophisticated in it's versatility. For example, one can have whole conversations involving the intricacies of said drink. The question of how one takes one's coffee has developed quite dramatically over the past decade. Though there are still those traditionalists who take it with "cream and sugar" or simply "black,"there are truly an endless number of answers one might give to a question like this. In fact, there are so many answers one might give, I will not even "go there" except to say I prefer espresso with milk and lots of foam. No sugar, thanks.

In conclusion (for I really must go tend to my child), given coffee's amazing attributes and qualities, I simply do not know if I will ever be able to completely purge it from my consumption. But really, I do try....

My Son Zion

2005-08-05T11:09:00.000-07:00

I need a new photo! At three months he looks quite grown up compared to this picture of him at three days.

Constant amazement is what I feel every time I look at him. Babies are the picture of perfection and Zion is no exception. Every smile is so precious and I love being a mom!

Shots, however, we have recently discovered are tramatic for the whole family. Our normally content and happy baby became unconsolable for the first time ever last night due to a series of five vaccines the previous day. It's so terrible to know the baby is in pain and not be able to "fix" it! Makes me even more thankful for such a healthy and happy child! (I was also extremely thankful when we had made it through the night and he awoke content once again)